"I'm Fine" Til The Countdown

Well it almost makes a year my dear, as the clock tick tocks and the countdown begins. Until now I haven't paid much attention to the time, it just seems to move and I am forced along with it. So I keep myself so busy that I crash mentally before I have a chance to think before sleep. I just close my eyes and drift away, the quicker the better. It's better this way, no bloodshot eyes come day break with the sunrise. It was some time ago that I woke up in a warm sweat due to the sound of a cell phone, just to hear the words I'd been waiting for, dreading for, pain no more. No time to crash, get up and go to class, tears in eye so avoid contact at any cost, just stare at that projector blankly, too distraught, you should of stayed curled up under your blanky, rocking yourself to sleep as you weep, hiding, tucked beneath the sheets because "I don't wanna talk about it". It's easier if I keep my mouth shut, just laugh, smile, because if I don't, I'll cry, then they'll pat me on the back, "let it out". So now that's its official, it's over, it's done, I have to wait a week to say goodbye. I gotta wear black, sit on the second row and cry. I gotta keep it in, except at the end, everything that was in just came out, no control. So time goes by and the days roll along, but halt on the day you were born and the day you were gone. Soon after I walked into the wild, then valentine's day rolled around. Empty chocolate cover kisses, black instead of red roses, auto-pilot responses, "I'm fine". Well it almost makes a year, but my dreams are serene, except when I see you and hear you, I attempt to save you, maybe I could tell you one last time that I love you. But you already know, so the clock tick tocks and the countdown ends. With my tears dried, the sunrises and I smile genuinely.

It probably doesn't make sense but that's was just a little something I had to get off my chest.