Life Lane

You live your life in the fast lane
A life I can't seem to maintain
I am slowed down by red lights and stop signs
And in the midst of hesitating, I lose my place in line.
I hope this phase is worth the time it's been given
Long term you're losing, short term seems like you're winning.
And although this story is not a tragedy,
In the end, I still feel like a casualty
But this is just reality... for the moment
I can not change nor ignore it.
So I sit quietly, coasting on cruise control as I always do,
confirming realizations that things are only real when they're actually True.
I see there's no way that I can cure your addiction for the world,
I am not superhuman, I am just a girl.
I could type a slew of text messages, or even endless aims
but what will change?
Or I could pour my heart out in song,
hmm or even a poem...

I hear this is love, this is life, this is friendship
this is truth, this is lie, this is bullshit,
But I can rarely tell the difference,
because I can't decipher codes
And I can not make accurate conclusions about things I've never been told
I can't read minds and I can barely read lips.
You know what.....
Umm pass me the remote so I can fast-forward all of this...
But life has no remote control
Things constantly change so I can never get too comfortable
But I won't give in to Lonely
And I won't let gravity put it's weight upon me...
When you decide to slow down,
and you finally come around
I'll be here, not waiting
Nor anticipating
Your arrival
My only priority is my survival
I'm just going to sit back and recline
Let my world realign
On this park bench not worrying about a thing
watching winter turn to spring
Or summer turn into fall,
With no care at all.
Overall, life's good over here in my lane,
pace yourself and you might be able to say the same.

A Piece of My Heart

He's probably a better man
which is why I can't understand
how I could devote my time to
someone who isn't even there
one whom rarely shows he cares.
Life ain't fair
So how can I expect love to be so much better
its not always sunshine
sometimes it's stormy weather
And whether we are together or apart
Somehow your name got tattooed on my heart.
"Well doctor, how can I remove it?"
He tells me this shit is permanent
And my best bet is to cover it...
With a pretty little picture or another dudes name
:-O You gotta be kidding
This doctor is insane, this is not a game
I need a second opinion...
dammit it's the same
How did this happen,
did he ink me in my sleep?
get me while I was intoxicated?
when I could barely think?
Or was it when I was somewhat competent
mesmerized so much that he knocked me unconscious?
How he got me...I will never know
But his marking left some bruises that I can never show
So I grab some concealer on the 5th aisle
And while I'm there I think a while
About how...you could get with the next girl
or go back to your ex- girl
So she could use you and abuse you
just the way she use to
just the way you like it
so you refuse to fight it
Yeah uh huh, she will always love you
but only wants you
when its convenient
Her truth is a lie
So even though she says it
She never means it
But I guess you can take it
Cause Ima leave it
So remove your tainted hands from my heart
Unlike you, I'll finish what I start.
Since the doc wont provide me with some professional help
I guess I'll be doing this procedure all by myself
So I grabbed the lazer,
Unsuccessful
Maybe I should try it again later
but the time is now
so I must resort to the razor
And though I tried to be noninvasive
to avoid some complications
I figured it would be a bloody mess with few consolations
See, I didn't need no consultation
to tell me I'm in need of liberation.
I'm numb so the pain is whatever,
I can hardly feel it being severed,
I hope you're happy
so now u have a piece of my heart forever.

Bitchassness Be Gone!

So this is an ancient facebook note about Bitchassness... I doubt it has ceased to exist but these days I just refuse to deal with it. However, it's funny to revisit my past and laugh at those bitchass-individuals once again!



VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!!!
Some people may find the following message highly amusing, true, or offensive. For all of you that know me, usually I don't speak this way (so excuse the language) but it's about time that I be frank and say what's on my mind. No censorship...Again this message may deflate some egos, cause some shaking of heads, extreme laughter or some handclaps. PROCEED WITH CAUTION!

ATTENTION LADIES! BEWARE! BITCHASSNESS IS INCREASING AT AN ALARMING RATE!

Yes everyone! Especially my ladies! Bitchassness is at an all time high. This disease is turning into an epidemic, mostly seen in men! Within the past 24 hours I've had an encounter with this bitchassness and I was highly disturbed, so I felt it was necessary to notify you!

Some signs to look for... this disease comes in many forms...

He doesn't call and has no valid excuse.....bitchassness.

He tries to talk to you and your friend, leaves the same voicemail on both ya'll phones and expects not to get caught....bitchassness.

His apology sounds something like this...”I'm sorry for whatever I did.” This means he's not really sorry, he can't even remember what he did wrong, so how is he going to change his actions....he doesn't want to.....bitchassness

He tells his boys one thing and tells you another.....bitchassness

He doesn't show up for a date or hangout when he said he would (no valid excuse)...bitchassness

He makes up lies about what you just read in his away message....bitchassness

He insist nothing is going on between him and the chick that's been leaving glittery comments on his page...more often than not...bitchassness

He is unwilling to accept that he was wrong, he lies, cheats and deceives. He tells you what you want to hear, gets what he wants and leaves you in the dust....yes suhh!....bitchassness

.....................etc

Feel Free To ADD comments about your sightings of bitchassness

One possible type to look out for....
One that sits behind his computer 90% of the time because he is bored and desperate for attention. He enjoys picking fights because in his twisted mind it's fun to make people upset. After saying all these nice things, he starts to get defensive when you reject his advances. He starts to downplay the situation, like he wasn't the one trying to talk to you. He'll even go as far as telling you that you were apart of some bet that he and his friends had (have we heard this story before?..no originality). He does this because his over-sized, inflated ego has been crushed. After discovering that you've moved on with your life, he realizes that the world doesn't revolve around him. Bitchassness especially appears when things don't go the way he hopes. On the other hand, if this so-called bet existed, what kind of person does that...only one infected with this disease...yes people...bitchassness. Either way you put it the joke is on him.

If you encounter this type or any others that appear to be infected just say....YAHHH!

So what's the resolution....

We've all given in to this disease from time to time (yes even I). But as soon as you find yourself developing the symptoms...say "NO!!! I will not give into bitchassness!"

In order to avoid encounters don't give into the shenanigans and foolishness, because when you give into the games you are partially at fault. (And yes I'm probably giving into some foolishness by posting this note, but after, I'm turning a new leaf...lol...I promise...). Even when you're feeling bored, don't give in, go read a book or do something beneficial because at the end you'll be glad you didn't waste your time. And for all the times you did deal with the bitchassness, take it as a lesson learned.

The cure to this disease...respectful young men who don't pride themselves on being asses. The cure are men who don't act like little boys, who treat women the way they are suppose to be treated, like ladies. They leave the BS behind...yes ladies..these men are actually worth your time. I'd like to personally thank those young men that have shown me that non-bitchassness does exist. Those are the men I applaud...please don't give in like some of the others.


With that said...let's put a stop to it! When you see it coming put your peace sign up and your index down, say “NO!”, and walk away.

Thanks for your time.

Reality Show

I wish I had the courage to tell you all the things I need to, but in between these blurred words and traumatizing trapezoids, and the love bank telling me my check is void, I put my feelings aside. I rest my head on this pillow in hopes that when I awake it will be resolved, in my dreams I could say it all, with little remorse, I'd stand strong and tall. But my double X chromosomes didn't code for growing balls and in addition I stand a little over 5 ft small. I hide behind such excuses. Perhaps I can drop these defenses down with these clothes, but then I'd be exposed and everyone would know. So I put on a show, wishing I only had a 30 minute time slot, but the broadcaster says it's limitless, so I guess not. But when I'm offstage we're always on the clock until time no longer exist and by then I can not turn back the hands. I'd like to rewrite our contract with new demands, with requests that you come to rehearsals on time and be sure that you know your lines and please make them sound convincing so I'll be satisfied. Our love is coming out, it's showtime, at least in my mind. Now this is the part where I tell him I'm in love with another man and the truth is he never even had a chance. This is where I switch, from the protagonist to the cold callus witch. I didn't intend for the season to end like this, where the princess is still waiting for the first last kiss. Instead of victory, she is simply dismissed. Now luckily, my job provides a few luxuries, no house, no car, no bluetooth, just from time to time I'm allowed to, fill in the blanks with impromptu. Now I am skilled in the craft of pretending. Too bad real life doesn't have rewrites and alternate endings.

Woman?

I am a woman
And what does that mean?
It means being judged by how well my ass fits in these jeans or how low I can drop it on the dance floor
It means having my breast starred into rather than my eyes
It means being called a bitch just because I don't want to give my number out
It means being asked about my sexual history before being asked my favorite color
It means being subjected to double standards, in which I'm called a "ho" or "slut" if you THINK I have too many male acquaintances
It means being whistled and "holla-ed" at, as if that's all I'm worthy of
It means watching him rub his hands together and lick his crusty lips as he says " ahhh can I get yo number?"
It means watching as other women giggle as if all these things are acceptable!
It means being called "uptight" simply because I refuse to giggle too.
It means being constantly objectified!

I am a woman, a beautiful creature of this earth, and certainly I deserve RESPECT!

The Visionary

He said he could write about me but declined. So I'll take it upon myself to write about him, where do I begin? Perhaps with the weekend, where we meet, same time, same place, shining lights with cameras in face. They cry and we laugh, about the confrontation & the unfortunate aftermath. He sits at home, downs his last cup of Patrón, his only reply, "idk" (I don't know). After music making and picture taking, he wrestles with some bullshit that he should just let go. I tell him so, but he already knows. But this is the eb and flow - of his life. He hates broken commitments and mispelled* words. He's into action, no need for verbs. He's not the same middle school boy he use to be, he's into mixing beats with symphonies. Anyway, it's way past 3, I've lost my energy, although he declined, I challenge him to write a little about me.

SPECTAC LIKE THAT???

So the latest buzz has been about SEXY SPEC, better known as Spectacular from the Hip-Hop/R&B freaky-deakey hit-maker group Pretty Ricky. Anyone that has heard the last two Pretty Ricky albums knows that these boys aren't shy about what they do (or claim to do) between the sheets, or in the back in their chevys for that matter. With songs like "Grind on Me" and " On the Hotline" we can tell that these guys are no closet freaks. The radio versions of their songs are complete edits of their true raw nature. We'll back to Spectacular.... apparently he thought it would be a good idea to call out all the hot male R&B artist to participate in a "grind challenge". In attempts to promote Pretty Ricky's new single "Tipsy" and to prove himself as the best grinder out there, Spectac appears scantly dressed in his tight red briefs. I'll let you be the judge of his dance moves and whether or not this video was a way of un-closeting something else beside his freak......




And then there is the parody...LMAO!

Battlefield

I'd rather be alone, than to be waiting for you to come home. Breathing with a sigh of uncertainty of whether your time could belong to me. I am much too grown to watch you play coy, my life is just too precious to be treated as a toy. How can you feed me a line like that? What response do you expect to get back? I've played the game, it's all the same, I'd rather stop now than be the lame that gets hurt again. I'm a rookie that feels like a veteran. A piece of shrapnel, lodged in my heart remains, bitter sweet, reminding me of the hurt of the war, but it's all good cause love is what I was fighting for. But that was then, that is no more. But I am no longer afraid of the battlefield, I am only interested in the fruits it will yield. I walk alone, but not for long, whistling the content song.

Wave and Smile

that's all you'll ever be
a temporary high to me
we may have shared some laughs
and a couple of memories
all that manifested
was a pocket full of lies
a tissue full of cries
so all that's left is to say goodbye

a love that's superficial
but we like the chase
nothing on my agenda
so time I waste
but the moment has passed
good things rarely last
so I'm left to ask
"when can I have my piece of the pie?"
"and when will it arrive?"
"will it fall out the sky?"

Please no more empty conversations
I don't wanna have to fake the jubilation
Like I got a reason to smile when you're around
When all I really feel is knocked down
Like a kid on the playground
That got pushed off the merry-go round
But just remember to smile and wave
And wave and smile
And look happy all the while
Ease the awkward tension with a past time joke
or what not
Let's continue the front
Act all nonchalant
And did I mention
Don't forget to smile and wave
I haven't had a chance to misbehave
and call out all false intentions
challenge character
and bruise an ego

But what's the point?
I am still left the fool
I am the clown
Suspected to be the one
chasing others around
As if they didn't see me smile and wave
And walk away
I was the pursued
but of course that didn't stop
assumptions that I was on the jock
Pa-lease...I think not

So if this is the last call
and this is the last time
recognize that I've been forced
to formulate thoughts in my mind
based on the unsaid
the only information is driven
from the messages I've read
so now the interpretation is my own
soon cries over spilled milk will be disowned
Come on new muse what's taking you so long?

False Claims

He claims that I'm what his life's been missing but I disregard his advances, no time for second chances, no double takes, no extra glances. He claims that he's serious, but me, I'm just delirious as time flies by I begin to recognize that I'm still standing alone, almost grown but not much has changed, I still remain, he's still a game, and I am still a chase, I am still the pond his knight could not erase. As fragile as I stand, my heart in my hand, or maybe on my shoulder, his begging only gets older and pretty soon I'll no longer be amused, he's within my grasp but he is not my muse. He's just another victim in my crime, just another reason to waste time, cause I got tired of being mad, what's the point if I can get another laugh, if I could use you, abuse you, and you like it. There's the feeling and I fight it. I refuse to reciprocate. I refuse to take the bait. Mr. Nice Guy please understand that my teenage love affairs are over, 15 day countdown, I am getting older, and maybe even colder. I don't wanna be heartless, so world please don't make me, lose my kindness or the light within me. Truth is, I'll never give in despite my fear of lonely.

Substitute Love

I've been a substitute...but I'm as good as the real thing. I've been a side-dish, more delicious than your entreé. Worthy of much more than I've allow for, when she's gone, you'll be knocking at my door. Respected but often rejected for my moral standing, standards too high, too demanding. Lazy on your part, all the same, never set a part, whether ending or beginning at the start. "Take home to mom" material, so right now I have slim chances, I'm not your one night-stand, girl at the club giving lap dances. You're too consumed with the masses, high is short to last- is all of this worth it? Still faith that this boy will turn into a king, and this girl transforms into a queen, no more irrelevancy, just enjoyment of the simple things :-)

No Substitute Love - Estelle

GRAMMYS 09: Joy, Tears, and Beatdowns!

The return of Whitney Houston. I must say she looked stunning in her evening gown, trying to take it back to her youth with the split but I see you Whitney, go ahead now! I'm not sure if she had return-to-the-spotlight jitters or if she's still in the recovery stage, either way, I'm glad to see that she looks healthy.

So my boo Justin Timberlake and the legendary Al Green sang "Let's Stay Together". Oh and let's not forget the barely seen or heard Boys II Men in the background. The performance was not rehearsed but it was still enjoyable to hear a classic song.


We have Chris Martin on the piano, then Hova, Mr. Jay Z comes out rapping, knowing good and darn well he needed to get a haircut before the Grammys. Come on now J, work with me now. Wifey Beyonce for sure needed to upgrade you tonight. And while upgrading the hubby, she should've given Chris Martin a full length shirt and pants, shall I say his clothes were a little "young".

Jennifer Hudson, I almost cried when she accepted her award for Best R&B album and so did she. Her performance was touching as well. I was glad to see her in good spirits after her family tragedy. First an Oscar, now a Grammy! You go girl. And I see she has a nice little fiance, David, better known as "Punk" from I Love New York. New York's loss, Jennifer's gain I guess. Brotha is built and pretty easy on the eye so I say "HEYYY!"

"When you're 15 and someone tells you they love you, you're gonna believe them". UMMM NO. "My Bestfriend Taylor [Swift]" STOP LYING MILEY. For the record, I never believed the lies of some 15 year old, prepubescent boy, but I got the message of the song. My question: why the hell is a 16 year old GIRL named Miley dating a 20 year old MAN. Billy Ray and wife need to put that in check. I'm not sure what kind of parenting is poppin off over there. Apparently none. Miley should of stuck with her ex Jonas.

Speaking of the Jonas Brothers...they show off those virginal promise rings but they date enough Hollywood girls/women to make me wonder. I don't know what was up with the performance with Stevie Wonder. Did young Jonas forget the words to "Superstition" or get a fly stuck in his throat?

"I Kissed A Girl..." and...well no I didn't. Ms. Perry's fruity performance set was..well fruity (literal pieces of fruit, apples and bananas and such)...and I kinda liked it.

"Don't like those baggy jeans, but Ima like what's underneath them." -American Boy.
I heard that Estelle! She and Kanye's performance just came out of no where. And then it ended and they presented an award. Great transition Grammys *rolls eyes* Then Kanye of course had to drop a little smartalic line about not ever winning "Best New Artist".

Well not this year Kanye, Adele took the title this time. If you're not up on that "Chasing Pavements" check out her debut album "19". Her vocals were on point in her performance. :-)

Diddy in lavender...no comment.

"No one on the corner has swagger like us". The Rap Pack plus a fly Misses. Black and White reminiscent of the Rat Pack. M.I.A dressed in a polka-dot, maternity outfit, ready to pop, literally, she was suppose to have her baby the day of the Grammys. Kanye, Jay-Z, and T.I. dressed to impress and well Weezy was doing his own thing.
First off, WTF does Kanye think he is doing growing that pig tail in the back of his head. He is a grown man! My cousin had one of those in the early 90s. Come on Kanye.
T.I. good luck on that sentence mayne. And thank you Wezzy! I could actually understand what you were saying without the autotune or you giggling.

Once the performance was done it looked like Chris Martin learned over and said "Them mofos killed that". LMAO

Mr. John Mayer- Best Male Pop Vocal Performance for "Say". Sorry Mraz, Sorry Ne-Yo.

Radiohead with the drummers. Good Sound. I leave further evaluation to the experts.

Road to Redemption: T.I. and J.T.'s performance was good. Always a joy to see my boo. Enough said.

OBAMA, 2 Time Grammy Winner!!? Wow extra factoid of the night. Yes that's correct folks! Our President is a Grammy winner. Sidenote: We want a Secretary of Arts in the Cabinet!!!

MOTOWN!!! Ne-Yo, Jamie Foxx, the Legendary Smokie Robinson and a member of the Four Tops performed motown classics including "I Can't Help Myself". Yup that's right sugapie hunnybun!

B.B. King and John Mayer sang "Bo Diddley" in memory of thee Bo Diddley himself. (RIP Issac Hayes).

Lil Wayne and Robin Thicke (my second boo) performed the heart-felt, Hurricane Katrina inspired song "Tie My Hands". A great song and a great performance to help conclude the night. (Mardi Gras coming up February 24th).

Wezzy took home the Best Rap Album, he was so excited that he had to click his heels, luckily, he didn't kick the lady handing out the award. Even though he brought his mama and them on stage it was better than bringing a whole entourage of his homies.

Noteworthy: The Blind Boys of Alabama (more like men, all dressed in mother of pearl).

The Dynamic Duo, blond locks blowing in the fan, Robert Plant & Alison Krauss
won Album of the Year for Raising Sand. When I find out who they are, I'll let you know. Coldplay, Lil' Wayne, Ne-Yo and Radiohead definitely got gypped!

And Stevie Wonder closed the show...goodnight and good luck.

BUT WAIT! THE MAIN DRAMA OF THE NIGHT!!! YEP! SO WHERE WAS C-BREZZY AND RIHANNA.
SO APPARENTLY A FIGHT BROKE OUT IN THE LAMBO. A FEMALE CALLED THE POLICE SCREAMING ABOUT BEING ASSAULTED. CHRIS WAS ON THE RUN ( FACING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CHARGES) FROM THE POPO AND FINALLY SURRENDERED. HE ENDED UP POSTING A 50,000 DOLLAR BAIL AND LEFT WITH HIS LAWYERS. SOURCES SAY THAT BITE MARKS WERE ON THE "ALLEGED FEMALE'S" ARM AND BRUISES ON HER FACE. THE IDENITY OF THIS "ALLEGED FEMALE" IS UNKNOWN BUT WE'RE GUESSING IT'S RIH-RIH.
HER PUBLICIST SAYS: " RIHANNA IS WELL. THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONCERN AND SUPPORT." SOUNDS SUSPICIOUS TO ME. I GUESS RIHANNA'S Breaking Dishes lyrics came to life, "Ima fight a man tonight, a man, a mee--eeee-- annnn".

WELL I DIDN'T THINK CHRIS HAD THE IKE TURNER DEMON IN HIM. MAYBE RIHANNA DIDN'T SING NUTBUSH LIKE HE TOLD HER TO. WE SHALL SEE. I'M NOT SURE WHAT THIS MEANS FOR CHRIS' ADORING FEMALE FANS (like myself) OR HIS UPCOMING ALBUM. SO I GUESS THIS MEANS THE COUPLE IS CALLING IT SPLITS-VILLE.

ALL JOKES ASIDE...VIOLENCE IS TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE ESPECIALLY FROM THOSE WHO CLAIM TO "LOVE" YOU.

WITH THAT SAID. Despite all the drama, GRAMMYS 09 was GOOD!

YES WE DID! The Inauguration

The Inauguration!

What a proud day! The first Black president, but most importantly, a symbol of change! Bush didn't have to leave but he had to get the hell up out the White House. The new first family is moving in,so he had to pack up his ish and leave. HA!

Beyond all the politics, it's good to see a good looking president in office who happens to be Black (and white..let's not forget that). Yes, our new President is a beautiful looking man, with a classy beautiful wife and two lovely children. Michelle has a classic beauty and I loved that dress she wore to the inauguration balls. They symbolize a loving marriage, the way they look at each other, and have each others backs is truly a joy to see. I want a love like that. They're hardcore, doing their thing and doing it well.

I pray that all of America will embrace our new president and his family, because at the end of the day, we are our own enemy if we can't accept (not just tolerate, but accept) one another. If we cannot accept one another, respect one another, then why should we expect others to do the same. The world is changing, people are mixing, it's out with the old and in with the new. So either get on it or get left behind. Simple as that.

YES WE CAN!!! and YES WE DID.

Let the saga begin......

"I'm Fine" Til The Countdown

Well it almost makes a year my dear, as the clock tick tocks and the countdown begins. Until now I haven't paid much attention to the time, it just seems to move and I am forced along with it. So I keep myself so busy that I crash mentally before I have a chance to think before sleep. I just close my eyes and drift away, the quicker the better. It's better this way, no bloodshot eyes come day break with the sunrise. It was some time ago that I woke up in a warm sweat due to the sound of a cell phone, just to hear the words I'd been waiting for, dreading for, pain no more. No time to crash, get up and go to class, tears in eye so avoid contact at any cost, just stare at that projector blankly, too distraught, you should of stayed curled up under your blanky, rocking yourself to sleep as you weep, hiding, tucked beneath the sheets because "I don't wanna talk about it". It's easier if I keep my mouth shut, just laugh, smile, because if I don't, I'll cry, then they'll pat me on the back, "let it out". So now that's its official, it's over, it's done, I have to wait a week to say goodbye. I gotta wear black, sit on the second row and cry. I gotta keep it in, except at the end, everything that was in just came out, no control. So time goes by and the days roll along, but halt on the day you were born and the day you were gone. Soon after I walked into the wild, then valentine's day rolled around. Empty chocolate cover kisses, black instead of red roses, auto-pilot responses, "I'm fine". Well it almost makes a year, but my dreams are serene, except when I see you and hear you, I attempt to save you, maybe I could tell you one last time that I love you. But you already know, so the clock tick tocks and the countdown ends. With my tears dried, the sunrises and I smile genuinely.

It probably doesn't make sense but that's was just a little something I had to get off my chest.

* A Little Bit

If it's official we'll have to let it go. But we prioritize and we make
the time, even though I won't be the lady in your bed tonight. We bend the rules and we play the fools, just to get a glimpse of love. You break the date, or you make me wait, so I don't get too comfortable. Then we run away to avoid feeling vulnerable.

Tell me all your secrets and reveal the truth behind your lies. Leave me lonely, after a slow paced goodbye. Put a star next to my name in your little black book, so you can find me easily when you skim and take a look. Asterisk stating: *best girlfriend I never had. But I'm such a bore, you should be glad. Short-lived, too gone to deal with, hesitant to say I'm in love just a little bit.

little bit remix - drake & lykke li

Run Back

A sweet memory
that's all we'll ever be
We never make it past sunrise
I only see you in the night light
When the moon shines bright
Here's our chance
for true romance
but I'll run back to my safe room
locked away in my cacoon
A fear of flying high in the sky
A fear of falling to the ground
But sooner or later I'll come around
It's like I dream but don't act
I'm tired, it's a wrap
No discussion, that's that


Let's run back to our respective places
With fake shiney happy faces
Make assumptions with no basis
I'll walk back to him
And you back to her
Our matches made in heaven
Don't you concur?
Would it be bad if we gave it one more try
just call it an eye for an eye
Forget about the broken pieces you picked up
But I guess the past doesn't mean much
So his name leaves me
And all I can remember is what's his face, so and so and such and such