Silver Metal

24 months and countless hours of textual conversations and sexual relations and though much jubilation I'm left with contemplation of our intentions, I wish you had failed to mention, your past cause these disgruntled feelings still last.  Second place, feels like a waste even with this silver medallion around my neck, it feels like the gold chain was jerked right from my hands and I don't understand. I say I want your heart but why does your body seem so important right now, if she ever had your emotion, why can't I have it right now. If she had your emotion, is there any left in your soul right now, to transport through your body to me. I know I'm selfish I see, who knew that love could turn to greed. Who knew that guilt would pulse through me at the same time as jealousy. Enough to make me wanna rewind and retrace and make all the mistakes. Enough to make me wanna lose myself self in someone else before I got here, just to say that I've lived and I've learned and I've loved and I've lost. Just to say that I've kissed and I've told but yet nobody knows. I wish I had been bold, to give me some more, to even the score. My regrets they only hurt you because they reflect through my words, through my insecurities, they hurt you. Sometimes I wonder what could've been, what can I say I'm a woman. You must of thought the same, what can I say you're only a man. I won the prize but I lost the race, let's face it I'll never be first place. Space and time has screwed me, I shoulda gave the Ds, the Js, the Ts, the Rs the best of me. Selfishly, I carefully was everything I was supposed to be. I got here unlived, some learned, heartbroken, bridges burned. Disappointed enough to feel that fairy tales and first times are rarely real.