Big City, Big Dreams

Big city big dreams
Tell me what does that mean
I'm addicted
I'm a fiend
To the limelight
Or so it seems
Let's toast to the nightlife
Let's get high as a kite
Raise our drinks to the ceiling
Are you gettin that feeling?
Let me shake it in this freakum dress
And these stilettos shoes
Until my feet begin to bruise

Round 2...this is to the good life
Better than my 9 to 5
Big city big things
Nice cars and diamond rings
High in spirits
Slurred in words
Seen but rarely heard

BIG CITY...JUST DREAMS

Can I....?

Can I inspire you tonight?
Would that be alright?
Influence the way you walk,
The way you talk?
The things you say,
Would that be okay?

Can I invade your mind,
Borrow a little of your time?
Take up some mental space,
A resonation of my face?

Can I bumrush your dreams?
You become my fien?
Live me, breathe me,
I'm the only one in sight.
Can I inspire you?
If only for tonight.....

Where Did It All Go Wrong?

Something I wrote a long time ago...it's funny that it is still applicable and will be until the end of time....

Do you remember the day you realized you liked someone as more than just a friend? Does anyone remember their first sandbox crush? I'm sure then it was innocent but then as you got older, things began to get a little more complicated, as they always do. Personally, I can't remember where things went wrong.....

Maybe it was when mankind began to classify “love” as a game, as a plaything, as some form of entertainment. Despite the consequences of our actions, we believe there is no harm in having a little fun. I'm sure we are all guilty of this. I'm certainly guilty of playing with peoples emotions all for personal gain, for bending the truth to acquire temporary satisfaction because I thought it was fun. When we're bored and (for some of us) desperate for attention, we'll do just about anything; LIE, CHEAT, and DECEIVE, just to name a few.

As much as we've done these things to others, they have been to done to us as well. We've been lied to, cheated on and deceived. When we are on the receiving end somehow it doesn't feel so great. We are left to feel like the fool when it's all said and done. Somehow entertainment isn't so amusing when the joke is on us. But the crazy thing is after all of that, after being on the other side of things we still don't learn (or do we?). We go back to our same ways.....

This is a game where we keep our options open because we are so young that we don't want to be tied down. Because of course the concept of commitment is so hard for our young minds to grasp (obvious sarcasm). This a game where it's okay to play with people's emotions, where misleading actions are cool because there is an obvious understanding that it's all a game. Both parties are definitely aware of this correct? I guess if there was an obvious understanding in this game, if the rules were mastered by all the players then heartbreak wouldn't exist in this world. If so, then everyone would be content with “All is fair in love (and war)” and would instantly move on. Guess the obvious isn't so obvious after all.....

What gives us the right to play these deceitful games at the expense of others?
We are selfish....I am selfish.

Said It All.....

So innocent and precious you are, but what's hiding behind that smile, are there deep dark scars? Is it genuine or just a front, easier to be passive and give people what they want? Half hugs and a question of how are you, today I could care less. But my perceived concern leaves you content, your ego stroked and carressed. Run away, skip away, as we say. Leave your words undone. Doesn't matter how you left the puzzle, just as long as you had some fun. I finally maned up to your responsibility, mustered up all the courage inside of me. But maybe I'm crazy, I refused to see the signs right in front of me, in hopes that I could achieve my prototypic creation, perhaps it was my overactive imagination. So I check my reflection, but I point my finger in another direction, but maybe I should point it at myself, because in this room, there's no one else. I guess it was inevitable, I was bound to fall. Everything you didn't say, said it ALL.

Since Your Departure....

Since your departure I've questioned my mortality
If I had to leave today
I'd wanna do so with grace and morality
As I imagine you did.
As your body lies there
Your spirit resides up there
And I am down here
Crying here
Trying here
To compose myself
Like everyone else.
The skylights change
He preaches his word
With such animated
adjectives, nouns and verbs.
The music plays
The memories appear
Distorted chuckles
are really a mass
of uncontrollable tears
An ocean of cries
Scared to ask why
A sea of dark garments
Sitting and standing
To see you off
To say goodbye.
My blood shot eyes
My tears dried.
A motivation
An inspiration
I don't question
I don't ask
I simply live,
learn,
and breathe
With every moment,
Make it last.

If I Were A Boy.....

If I Were A Boy...
I could tell you sweet things
Arrange special meetings
Play your favorite song
Beg you to sing along
Make you the mother of my child
Have you laugh out loud
Ask you to hold my hand
Claim to be a man
Call you on the phone
Just cause I feel alone
Send you signals hot and cold
I saw this coming but I never told
"We can keep this going as long as you don't sweat me
I don't have time for the commitment you know I'm extra busy
I'm cute, I'm cuddly, I'm coy
What can I say? I'm just a boy."

Lesson Learned

I couldn't make up my mind but my heart had decided
The two conflicted
and my worlds collided
I couldn't get it together
so I remain divided.
I made it past spring, summer and fall
Winter's approaching and I have nothing at all
Except this shadow when the sun shines occasionally
And this umbrella when the days get rainy
Perfect, just when I needed a body to cling to
Leave, this is what you do.
Saw you walking the other day
I turned my head and looked the other way
I couldn't stand to see your face
Wonder who she is and when she'll take my place.
I'm glad I could serve as a play thing
But we can keep it right here
Maintain this blur my dear
I'm asking for too much
I should be satisfied with this part-time
It's gotta be enough.
What was suppose to be a Sweet November
Quickly turned bitter
From a boil
Down to a light simmer.
Fall's weather will deceive
The sunshine and the brightly colored leaves
Mask the cut throat winds
Any leftover warmth leaves you,
You are chilled within
Sit and wait for winter to begin.
Too bad this spark fails to keep me warm
But I'm the one to blame
One heart can't ignite a flame
I'm only slightly charred and partially burned
No regrets just Lesson Learned.