4:27 am: Summer Love

To My Ladies and The Memory of Summer's Past:


According to records, he was the accomplice and I was the mastermind.
I sit and reminisce, reading these old notes to pass the time.
Cause summers have come and gone,
and each one brings a lover that I have known,
which is weird
because flings are not something I condone.

Rarely did I ever confine myself to one,
cause everybody's single in the summer sun.
Whether late night dips
or salsa and Chips,
I only dabbled a bit
and for what it's worth,
I'd do it all again.
When computer screens
were the thing.
Instant messages on my phone
when I was all alone.
Well, those were the days,
thought I was grown but I was caught in a daze,
amazed,
by words,
things I had never heard
and feelings I had never felt,
I didn't need the hot weather
to make my heart melt.
Plus he sheltered me with his umbrella
in the summer rain,
if I had mine
I would've probably done the same.

Late night chats before bed,
just to say
he had a thought of me
in his head,
couldn't call
so he texted instead.
If Prince Charming existed
he would have been him,
but he was playing games,
he had his chance and he missed it.
Cause summer
brings upon a loss of memory,
he had a girlfriend
yet he was tryna wife me?
"If your girl only knew,
that I was your other boo....
what would she do?"
Don't forget
we BOTH played each other like a toy,
no regrets,
thanks for the memories,
it was a real joy.

Staying up til sunrise,
wiping the sleep from our eyes,
riding in your car
and dirty dancing at the bar,
movies and ice cream,
pillow talking,
tell me all of your dreams,
just to name a few things
of what summer can bring.

But those summer loves
that have known me (past tense),
have shown me,
that few ever make it past the season,
because to advance to the next level
you need a reason.
But there are a few exceptions
and I'm...on...my way...to believing..

Dear John

Dear John,

I'm ready for this to be done, I've waited for too long because I thought you were the one. I thought perhaps we could find love if our paths met again, but now I see we're better off as just friends. Let's face it, I have far too many writing demands and all you care to do is express yourself in short hand. You don't have the time and therefore my time is wasted. You were the thought I loved so I continued to chase it, but no more. It's about time for me to close and lock the door. No more, cause I'm the only one slow dancing on this burning floor. The dream of you is supreme but the reality is mean, too cold for a warm hearted girl and nothing becomes of the love unfurled. So my dearest John, thanks for the memories, thanks for the times, even if you care to offer a rebuttal, please don't reply. Right now, I'm onto the next one, might win some but you just lost one, no further explanation, I'm done.

Sincerely,

Bestyou Couldvehad

I Will Not Text, I Will Not Call

I will not text
I will not call
but somehow your picture made it onto my wall
camouflaged in green
as if it couldn't be seen
but I will not text
and I will not call
and I will learn self discipline
to the point where I will not think of you at all.
So I play the game of questions
and everything is on repeat
I know the routine from head to feet
Even then I spill my guts on the keys
Just for the chance to feel again
But I have not healed from then
Or closed the chapter of a fantasy.
Sadly,
I'm completely aware of my fallacy,
but somehow I've fallen in love with the thought
and yet to think realistically breaks my heart
So I sit with dreams and schemes of ways that we could be
Yet I barely speak, yet I hardly see
and I barely know thee
and I repeat,
I will not text
and I will not call
and I will not think of you at all....

Cupid's Shrapnel

He left me a week before Valentine's Day
And there was nothing I could say to make him stay
It wasn't like I didn't see it coming
but the reality left me numb and....
there was nothing I could do to turn back the hands of time
I had to face he was no longer here, he was no longer mine
I cried for long hours, tears added to the water in the shower
but nothing could wash away my sorrow, or missing you tomorrow
And as Cupid aimed and shot his arrow, I was left with the aftermath of piercing shrapnel
Enough to cut my heart so deep, I could barely feel a beat.
But on the day of the Lover, I smiled and wore my red,
in attempt to get you out of my head
But you were my only thought.
I did my hair, put on my make up, I knew I would smear,
ironed this black dress I would wear and thought of a speech I might prepare.
But I was quite aware,
I would not have the courage to speak.
I knew the weeps would overpower my speech.
I walked right up to you, hoping you could explain yourself.
But you didn't even look at me with your wide eyes.
And for a man with so much to say, you didn't even speak a word
No noun, no adjective, no verb.
I could not understand this silence,
and nothing could make me comprehend.

Sadly, this is not a story of being jilted by a lover
for then I would deem myself fortunate, but for you,
there is no other, no more fish in the sea,
or other people to see
for you there is a memory
for you there is legacy
for you there is a piece of me.

Life Lane

You live your life in the fast lane
A life I can't seem to maintain
I am slowed down by red lights and stop signs
And in the midst of hesitating, I lose my place in line.
I hope this phase is worth the time it's been given
Long term you're losing, short term seems like you're winning.
And although this story is not a tragedy,
In the end, I still feel like a casualty
But this is just reality... for the moment
I can not change nor ignore it.
So I sit quietly, coasting on cruise control as I always do,
confirming realizations that things are only real when they're actually True.
I see there's no way that I can cure your addiction for the world,
I am not superhuman, I am just a girl.
I could type a slew of text messages, or even endless aims
but what will change?
Or I could pour my heart out in song,
hmm or even a poem...

I hear this is love, this is life, this is friendship
this is truth, this is lie, this is bullshit,
But I can rarely tell the difference,
because I can't decipher codes
And I can not make accurate conclusions about things I've never been told
I can't read minds and I can barely read lips.
You know what.....
Umm pass me the remote so I can fast-forward all of this...
But life has no remote control
Things constantly change so I can never get too comfortable
But I won't give in to Lonely
And I won't let gravity put it's weight upon me...
When you decide to slow down,
and you finally come around
I'll be here, not waiting
Nor anticipating
Your arrival
My only priority is my survival
I'm just going to sit back and recline
Let my world realign
On this park bench not worrying about a thing
watching winter turn to spring
Or summer turn into fall,
With no care at all.
Overall, life's good over here in my lane,
pace yourself and you might be able to say the same.

A Piece of My Heart

He's probably a better man
which is why I can't understand
how I could devote my time to
someone who isn't even there
one whom rarely shows he cares.
Life ain't fair
So how can I expect love to be so much better
its not always sunshine
sometimes it's stormy weather
And whether we are together or apart
Somehow your name got tattooed on my heart.
"Well doctor, how can I remove it?"
He tells me this shit is permanent
And my best bet is to cover it...
With a pretty little picture or another dudes name
:-O You gotta be kidding
This doctor is insane, this is not a game
I need a second opinion...
dammit it's the same
How did this happen,
did he ink me in my sleep?
get me while I was intoxicated?
when I could barely think?
Or was it when I was somewhat competent
mesmerized so much that he knocked me unconscious?
How he got me...I will never know
But his marking left some bruises that I can never show
So I grab some concealer on the 5th aisle
And while I'm there I think a while
About how...you could get with the next girl
or go back to your ex- girl
So she could use you and abuse you
just the way she use to
just the way you like it
so you refuse to fight it
Yeah uh huh, she will always love you
but only wants you
when its convenient
Her truth is a lie
So even though she says it
She never means it
But I guess you can take it
Cause Ima leave it
So remove your tainted hands from my heart
Unlike you, I'll finish what I start.
Since the doc wont provide me with some professional help
I guess I'll be doing this procedure all by myself
So I grabbed the lazer,
Unsuccessful
Maybe I should try it again later
but the time is now
so I must resort to the razor
And though I tried to be noninvasive
to avoid some complications
I figured it would be a bloody mess with few consolations
See, I didn't need no consultation
to tell me I'm in need of liberation.
I'm numb so the pain is whatever,
I can hardly feel it being severed,
I hope you're happy
so now u have a piece of my heart forever.

Bitchassness Be Gone!

So this is an ancient facebook note about Bitchassness... I doubt it has ceased to exist but these days I just refuse to deal with it. However, it's funny to revisit my past and laugh at those bitchass-individuals once again!



VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!!!
Some people may find the following message highly amusing, true, or offensive. For all of you that know me, usually I don't speak this way (so excuse the language) but it's about time that I be frank and say what's on my mind. No censorship...Again this message may deflate some egos, cause some shaking of heads, extreme laughter or some handclaps. PROCEED WITH CAUTION!

ATTENTION LADIES! BEWARE! BITCHASSNESS IS INCREASING AT AN ALARMING RATE!

Yes everyone! Especially my ladies! Bitchassness is at an all time high. This disease is turning into an epidemic, mostly seen in men! Within the past 24 hours I've had an encounter with this bitchassness and I was highly disturbed, so I felt it was necessary to notify you!

Some signs to look for... this disease comes in many forms...

He doesn't call and has no valid excuse.....bitchassness.

He tries to talk to you and your friend, leaves the same voicemail on both ya'll phones and expects not to get caught....bitchassness.

His apology sounds something like this...”I'm sorry for whatever I did.” This means he's not really sorry, he can't even remember what he did wrong, so how is he going to change his actions....he doesn't want to.....bitchassness

He tells his boys one thing and tells you another.....bitchassness

He doesn't show up for a date or hangout when he said he would (no valid excuse)...bitchassness

He makes up lies about what you just read in his away message....bitchassness

He insist nothing is going on between him and the chick that's been leaving glittery comments on his page...more often than not...bitchassness

He is unwilling to accept that he was wrong, he lies, cheats and deceives. He tells you what you want to hear, gets what he wants and leaves you in the dust....yes suhh!....bitchassness

.....................etc

Feel Free To ADD comments about your sightings of bitchassness

One possible type to look out for....
One that sits behind his computer 90% of the time because he is bored and desperate for attention. He enjoys picking fights because in his twisted mind it's fun to make people upset. After saying all these nice things, he starts to get defensive when you reject his advances. He starts to downplay the situation, like he wasn't the one trying to talk to you. He'll even go as far as telling you that you were apart of some bet that he and his friends had (have we heard this story before?..no originality). He does this because his over-sized, inflated ego has been crushed. After discovering that you've moved on with your life, he realizes that the world doesn't revolve around him. Bitchassness especially appears when things don't go the way he hopes. On the other hand, if this so-called bet existed, what kind of person does that...only one infected with this disease...yes people...bitchassness. Either way you put it the joke is on him.

If you encounter this type or any others that appear to be infected just say....YAHHH!

So what's the resolution....

We've all given in to this disease from time to time (yes even I). But as soon as you find yourself developing the symptoms...say "NO!!! I will not give into bitchassness!"

In order to avoid encounters don't give into the shenanigans and foolishness, because when you give into the games you are partially at fault. (And yes I'm probably giving into some foolishness by posting this note, but after, I'm turning a new leaf...lol...I promise...). Even when you're feeling bored, don't give in, go read a book or do something beneficial because at the end you'll be glad you didn't waste your time. And for all the times you did deal with the bitchassness, take it as a lesson learned.

The cure to this disease...respectful young men who don't pride themselves on being asses. The cure are men who don't act like little boys, who treat women the way they are suppose to be treated, like ladies. They leave the BS behind...yes ladies..these men are actually worth your time. I'd like to personally thank those young men that have shown me that non-bitchassness does exist. Those are the men I applaud...please don't give in like some of the others.


With that said...let's put a stop to it! When you see it coming put your peace sign up and your index down, say “NO!”, and walk away.

Thanks for your time.